bearsarecoming

I got my English GCSE exam results earlier today and I got an A! My teacher called me this morning to tell me so I got a bit of gossip too, such as only 6 people in my class got an A and I'm one of them. WIN! Apparently the exam was a lot harder this year so the overall English results for the college have suffered which isn't good, but you know YAY ME!

Next month I start my evening Maths and Psychology GCSE's which I'm excited/nervous about. Maths being the scary one. You have to be at a certain level to even go on the course and I have a feeling I wont be. My maths teacher wouldn't even let me in the classroom at school because she said I was disruptive, she just sat me in a nearby room with a workbook which I didn't understand. So basically I've had no maths education since primary school and I wasn't exactly the best then. This is going to take a lot of hard work but I'm going to get there.

Psychology looks really interesting, we're studying CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) which I know quite a lot about already because it was the treatment they were going to give me when I had OCD, so I researched the hell out of it. We have to buy our own text books and do extra reading and I can't wait. I'm such a little boffin!

Thanks to everyone who posted advice in my last entry, I still haven't decided what to do but I'm not as frustrated about it now.

My mum is being quite weird, she's obsessed with how I was before I moved out. I'm not sure if she's having a crisis because I've moved out or it's something else. Whenever I speak to her she only talks about where I used to go and what I used to do. She prints out photos of me from 2006/2007 and has those in frames instead of recent ones. She has a diary of where I went and what band I saw there and she'll say "This time a few years ago you were seeing Help She Can't Swim with Liz" or something like that. Also last night she told me she plans to print out as many photos of me as she can from that time to make a scrapbook of my "Teenage Years", so I told her that I'm only 20 and I have many more of those years to come and she just ignores it. This will sound ridiculous but she's making me feel like I've lived for those 2 years and now I'm old and not fun anymore. She also says things like "why don't you dress like that anymore?" "Why don't you have your hair like that anymore?" It's like she can't understand that people grow up and move on. Did any of you have anything like that when you moved out?

I think my plans for this year might have just been scuppered. I'm having a dilemma regarding work and college and which one is more important. Well I know which one is more important to me, but the other is a necessity and...shit, what do I do?

The situation is I need my GCSE's. I'm 20 and so far I've taken my English one (results pending) and that's the only qualification I have. I don't want to work in retail forever, I want as many qualifications as I can get and eventually I'd love to have my own business. The first stepping stone for that would be my maths GCSE so then maybe I could get a job as a secretary or something simple. Just a bit of experience at booking things, filing and basic admin. Then move up from there while hopefully doing business studies A level at college. In order to get to my A Levels though I need 4 GCSE's, so I thought I'd do maths and english and then another 2 or 3 for fun. These would be film, media studies and possibly psychology.

On the one hand I like my job, as I've said the pay isn't much but I get along with the people and it's fun. I spend all day playing with fabric, talking to customers and rolling ribbon reels like cassettes. I could stay there and do 2 evening courses which would be maths and psychology, however that would be tiring as I'd have to go to college straight from work and I wouldn't get home until 10.30pm. I'd be tired and find it hard to concentrate when I was there and I wouldn't get to see Simon much. I only really see him in the evenings and he works sort of 2, 3, 4 evenings a week now, so if mine were taken up too we just wouldn't see eachother. The other problem is that would only give me 3 GCSE's which means I'd have to do another one next year and be yet another year behind everyone else.

Now the alternative would be, well I thought it would be, cut down on my days at work. Maybe work 3 or 4 days a week. On my days off tag along to the full time courses doing maths, film, media studies, and psychology if I can fit it in. Pay for the extra tuition and then by the end of next year I'd be ready to move on. The downsides are we need money for rent etc. and Simon can't work full time as he's still at uni. Plus I've only recently gone full time and I can't just turn around and say "oh actually I don't like this anymore can I go back to 3 days a week please?" because none of the part timers want to switch with me so I could lose my job. I don't mean to be nasty because I knew I'd be in charge of earning money when I moved out but to be fair I don't want to wait around until Simon finishes his course to do what I want. It frustrates the hell out of me because I know I could be doing so much more than I am, and move ahead a lot faster. I thought about moving back home to do it and working part time at my old job but I want to be here and I want to live with Simon.

The reality is I've just called the college and the way the part-timers-attending-full-time program works is not as I thought. You fit in with their timetable which means maybe 2 hours on Monday, 3 on Tuesday, 1 on Wednesday. I can't fit that in with my job at all. Do I look for shift work that I can fit around those hours? Do I give up and just do the night courses? I'm just waiting for her to call back with an exact timetable and price so I can work it out. If any of you have read this far can I pleeease get some advice here?

I just joined a community where the challenge is to watch 100 films in a year, and I was starting to think I watch too many! I'm starting from Sunday with Dans Ma Peau, and then Monday I watched Last Tango In Paris and Le Feu Follet. I seem to be watching a lot of French films at the moment (well technically Last Tango In Paris isn't French, but it's set in France and people speak half French half English so it's good enough.) I might attempt to review some of them just to see if I can come up with something apart from "...and then there was this bit where this happened and it was so amazing!"

Has anyone ever attempted the reading challenge? I think it might be 30 books in a year? I will do it at some point but I've been reading To Kill A Mockingbird since the beginning of the year and it's not even that long! FAIL.

I started learning French again today. I was doing it a while ago and got really into it, but then coursework and exams took over and it had to take a back seat.

Why am I still awake? Time to stop rambling.

Since I found out martakillsfoolz has Twitter I was wondering if anyone else on here does? Mine is ramshackleriot if for some reason any of you want to follow me =]

Today has been a good but kind of wasted day off. Full of sleep and watching stuff on the internet. I'm just about to watch Dans Ma Peau, anyone seen it? I'm really hoping it's not going to be all horrory like I've been hearing, although French horror is apparently where it's at right now. hmm...

I popped back here and ended up reading old posts. Such a bad idea. You always realise how ridiculous you were, even though it was less than a year ago. Worrying really, isn't it?

I suppose most of the people on my friendslist have moved on from LJ now? It might be time to start acting social again and find some more. This time I really will stick to it because as sad as it sounds I keep getting really lonely. I think I might be homesick, I miss my family and my friends a lot. Plus since I moved here I haven't made any new ones so I just hang out with Simon or sit in on my own. I've been to 3 gigs this year. 3. For those of you who remember what I was like in 2007 that's fucking appaulling.

For anyone who cares an update on what's happened since I last posted

- I'm now 20
- I have a job at a shop called Fabric Land as a sales assistant. The pay is shit but the people are ok. I work full time now and I'm increasingly regretting the decision.
- I got 3 A's and a B on my English GSCE coursework and I finished my exams last week, have to wait until August to find out how I did.
- I HAVE ID. FINALLY. I'll be using it to go to France this summer.
- I'M OFF MEDS. Finally. God they were making me feel so ill and now I feel better than I have in years.
- My cousin Kelly is having a baby. This is my only chance to be an Auntie as I'm an only child so I will cherish this child. lolz.

That's it. That's all that's happened in 8 months of my life. Oh God. And I wondered why I came back to LJ? Fix boredom now please?

I always seem to revert back to childhood when I feel poorly. I'm working my way through the Cbeebies channel on BBC iPlayer because it comforts me. I've been feeling really ill since Friday night and I'm praying I feel well enough for college tomorrow, I've already missed the chance to stay with the in-laws for the weekend.

I still haven't heard anything back from Boots after my interview last week, at the moment that's probably a good thing! It seems like quite a nice job and I think I did well on the interview. All I had to do was hand out baskets and leaflets, find their cheapest brand of paracetamol and tell the lady what was wrong with one of the aisles. The final part is where I might have messed up, I went on and on about how untidy it was and didn't mention merchandising or anything, but then again how can you make the tissue aisle more appealing to customers?

It's my 20th birthday next week which is a bit weird, in many ways I still feel 17 and growing up seems scary. I'm getting a new hard drive for my birthday though which I'm really excited about. The power lead on my last one stopped working and then when we finally got hold of a replacement one it worked for 5 minutes before the hard drive started clicking and died. As a result of which I've lost 3 years worth of photos, music and videos, it's upsetting but at least I can get the music and non personal videos back. I've also made a list of books and DVDs on Amazon and my family are working their way through it so I should get lots of nice presents! My mum and dad are coming up to Reading to see me and then Simon's taking me out for a meal :) Might have a birthday party at some point too and get some Kent people up!

I impulse bought Cutting Moments from Amazon yesterday. It cost me less than £5 with postage and packaging so it's not too bad. It was more a reaction to demonoid.com and the fact I can't register to download their torrents and nowhere else on the internets has it. It's 5 short films but I only want it for the title short after I saw this clip.

This video does contain self mutilation and is very graphic so if you're easily offended by that sort of stuff it might be best to stay clear!

Members of Flickr will know that whenever you go on your homepage it gives you a greeting in a different language. Well I just got this one...

OH HAI Kylie Fisher!
Now you know how to greet people in Lolcat!

LOLZ!

Last night was a lot of fun, it turned out Cut Off Your Hands were playing too who I really like so happy times! Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man. only played 4 songs and even though one was at least 8 minutes long I felt sort of cheated. Cazals were just lol and their fans were mainly male and Arctic Monkeys/Libertines fanboys, just not attractive.

Liz and I went to White Heat afterwards for literally 5 minutes which was a shame. We ended up on the same tube as Frederick (Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man.) and I think he thought we were following him. We weren't, we just happened to be going to White Heat too.

I'm going to start posting my most popular Flickr photo everyday now. Just because it usually pretties up entries.

Late of the Pier - Tunbridge Wells Forum - 09.02.08

Today has been filled with boy related drama about moving out and other boys etc. I'm such a rubbish girlfriend I get into really strange moods and then explain myself badly and arghhhh drama! Luckily it's all sorted out now =]

I swear The Kills get sexier with each album. I've just been listening to Midnight Bloom and it's fucking GUH! In particular U.R.A. Fever and Cheap and Cheerful. I saw the video for the latter last night and phwoaaaar VV! Must see them soon.

The video...


MUUUURHHHH!!!

Tomorrow is Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man. and Cazals. It's 16+ so no one will question my I.D. and Lizothy can get in. eyyy!

Here's the new Be Your Own Pet album for Julia and anyone else who wants it...
Be Your Own Pet - Get Awkward

This was my most viewed photo on Flickr today and tbh I can't really see why =/

I found out the other day that Brad Renfro died of a heroin overdose. There seems to be a lot of actors dying at the moment. He wasn't exactly a good one but I remember the first film I saw him in was Bully, where his opening line was, "I want you to lick my balls." Always made me laugh. *sigh*

I haven't been on here for about 2 weeks, due to my own laziness. Work's going alright, except I'm growing increasingly tired of Stephen. Imagine Johnson from Peep Show working in a shoe shop and you have exactly what I have to work with. The only difference being Johnson knows what he's doing whereas Stephen knows fuck all and just ends up confusing and then shouting at you. I almost walked out last Sunday. He's perfectly lovely with everyone else, maybe I'm the only one who gets fed up of his behaviour.

I've been spending a lot of time on Flickr recently. Since I got my new camera I take photos of everything and they all go on there. Last week I saw Robots in Disguise and then The Video Nasties and Late of the Pier. I'm putting all those up now =] If anyone wants to see or has Flickr add me! Link

Tomorrow I'm in Reading again for a Valentine's Day meal. Who would have thought I'd ever be going to one of those? Certainly not me.

I hope everyone's doing ok!

Hai Kids!
I'm in Reading atm, taking over Simon's internet while he's at a lecture mwahaha!
I got here last night and many a fun time has been had. I thought it'd be a good idea to invent a QI drinking game which backfired when Simon forgot how strong Cointreau is lolz!
I have to go home tomorrow for work at 2pm mehhhhh.

I might have more hours at work soon. Nick said he's either getting rid of Sophie or she's leaving, so I get to work 11-3 Monday to Friday and have weekends off. Win!
For the past 2 weeks I've been either the top seller or in the top 3. I feel quite proud of myself.

Tom Moss texted me at work yesterday. It turns out he was drunk and sentimental and kept saying he missed me and we MUST hang out soon. He also said I could visit him in Plymouth whenever I want, which I did consider. It depends if he feels the same when he's sober. People keep telling me they miss me or love me when they're drunk atm. Why can no one say it when they're sober?

The other night Liz and I went to White Heat where Josh Weller was AGAIN so we had more chats with him. We also met up with Marlon, Damo and Eugene (who was very drunk) We'd gone there for Pun Lovin' Criminals which was Lightspeed Champion performing covers with special guests. These turned out to be Ferry from Semifinalists and the bassist from the Ipso Factor doing Interpol - Slow Hands. Frederick Bang (eeee!) doing The Vines - Get Free, The Von Bondies - C'Mon C'Mon, and a song by The Walkmen which I can't remember the name of. Dev did a rendition of Interpol - NYC, and the set was finished off with Alex Turner covering The Strokes - Reptilia. Look the videos up on youtube. It's both lol and in some cases, well...not very good. (Yeah Alex.) Faris Rotter was there too and we were hoping he'd get on stage with Dev but no such luck =[
Photos from that gig to come when I get home tomorrow!

I got my Nikon D40 last Thursday! It's such an amazing camera, I've been taking photos of everything/everyone. Liz came round today and we were taking photos in Spar and a lady came and told me off. It made me feel annoyed yet proud because I now have a camera that looks professional enough to make people doubt my motives mwahaha! I'll post some randon ones on here this weekend =]

As I said Liz came round today because I was too poor to go to London and she wanted to get out of the house. We watched my new Mr Motivator videos (Superfans?) and Little Voice. We also emailed Late of the Pier because they need video extras to dress tribal stylee and roll around in mud with the band. Sign me up please?

Tomorrow we're going to see The More Assured and Lightspeed Champion, so I might take my camera to that. I wish I had a camera case, I'm so terrified something might happen to it! I think we might risk Push afterwards because my need to see Noah and the Whale and Vampire Weekend is greater than my fear of being roughed up by bouncers.

Songs for the 17th and 18th

The Kinks - Picture Book
Mr Flash - Disco Dynamite 

I'm feeling a bit better today. The hospital went...ok. Not as well as I'd hoped. Apparently I have to stay on the pills for 6 months after I'm declared "well" which luckily I have been now. She still thinks I should stay on them for a little bit after I move out because it'll be stressful and may cause a relapse, eek.

I bought some books and a video from their gift shop. A poor lady was buying sweets in a nightgown with a drip and a jar of blood. It made me feel sick but I felt so bad for her =[

I'm in a really weird mood today. Sort of a mixture between excited, sad, and confused. MSN is helping for once!

Song for the 16th
I dance to this at work. lolz.
Unklejam - Love Ya
Funky.

I should be at White Heat now. Instead I'm in bed feeling sick AGAIN. wtf is wrong with me?!
At least I felt well enough to go to Sensible Sunday last (would you have guessed?!) Sunday. Saw Annett briefly due to me having to stock take before leaving work. Bumped into Josh Weller and Slinky outside who invited us to sit with them. It was nice Josh remembered us tbh. (We saw him at The Forum a few weeks ago) Saw some, if I'm honest, average acoustic acts. Pulled some shapes to Danny Shamone's DJ set and then went home. Oh and a man with a pint (half pint I called him) took a shine to Liz and lifted up her hair, peering underneath. I'm not sure what he was expecting to find under there. So yeah...fun was had by all =]

Monday - day off meh.

Today - Work in the morning, felt sick all the way through it. Now here I am. Oh.

My mum was being quite harsh over me moving out last night. Today she felt guilty and bought me shoes and a t-shirt. I sort of wish she was mean more often now =P

I have a hospital appointment tomorrow to check if I'm remaining sane. Basically all they say is "Have you tried to hurt yourself or others?", "Have you been suicidal?" etc. For once I can say no to all of those and hopefully get off these bloody antidepressants! I have such a level of resentment for them now. I sit staring at them thinking "I don't want to take you." *glare* They seem to be making me irritable these days and really aren't helping. Cheque please?!

Songs for the 13th, 14th and 15th
Connan and the Mockasins - Blues
Connan and the Mockasins - Naughty Holidays
Danger - 11H30

Work was so busy today, I actually achieved my target! WIN! I've taken about 2 grand alone this week, sup commission?!

I've still been feeling pretty sick but catching up on sleep is helping a lot. I had a nice nap when I got home today =]

Tomorrow I have to stay late to help with a stock check but THEN Liz and I are heading to The Lock Tavern for Tom and Danny Frog's Sensible Sunday. Apparently an "acoustic night of hedonism" Fun times? We might go on to The Dice Club afterwards for Neils Children and I Am The Arm, just see how we get on I suppose.

I spent a good 3 hours on the phone to Liz tonight. We went from gossiping, to talking about music, to pretentiously quoting Shakespeare, to eventually getting upset because we're not the people we'd like to be, and going off to watch Edward Scissorhands and pull ourselves together *loves the wife*

I'm finally going to buy my Nikon D40 now it's gone down to £299 (Yes I'm cheap, meh!) Can't wait tbh, we've just got another camera but it's nothing like what I want. This will be the last major purchase I can make before I have to start saving for our new house.

Also it turns out there's a Jones Bootmakers in Reading so it might be worth asking for a transfer?

Song for the 12th
Nick Drake - Milk and Honey

I had a mammoth amount of sleep last night so my eye has gone down and I feel a lot better =]

Decided to go to the work meal which was really nice. Everyone came except Hayley and Sophie so we had a bit of extra spending money. Nice chats were had and I think we've learned a lot more about each other. I had a roast chicken/mushroom thing with chips and then faaaar too much chocolate cake *feels sick*

I've bought Liz and I tickets to 2 Late of the Pier gigs and Robots in Disguise. We're also going to White Heat next week because I want to see Tapedeck DJ again. They were so good at the Hackney rave we went to =]

The Russell Brand book is really good. It's written exactly how he talks, which I could listen to for ages so I'm enjoying it.

Song for the 11th
I have this song on vinyl and it sounds fucking incredible. LA Priest is Samuel Earl Dust from Late of the Pier's side project so I'd recommend it if you're a fan of them.

LA Priest - Engine (Erol Alkan Re-Edit)

Does anyone know of any good new bands around at the moment? I need new music! I'm not asking you to upload anything, just the names will do =] I've started to get into Nick Drake recently, apparently it's a travesty I've never listened to him before.

Work was pretty good today, didn't start feeling sick until just before I had to leave. I took more money than anyone else too =] The meal's tomorrow so I'm hoping I'll feel well enough to go...

Liz and I have been buying up tickets for many a gig over the next few months. I'm excited!

I've been looking at houses because I'm pretty sure that I will be moving out this summer. It's really scary but it'll be fun =]

Challenge TV have started showing Shooting Stars every night. My sky plus has been on overdrive. I've missed Vic and Bob so much.

Song for the 10th
Feist - My Man My Moon

I was called into work today because Sophie was "sick" (I have trouble believing her when she has days off, she was once an hour and a half late because she fancied a Burger King) I ended up losing my temper, it's the first time it's happened and luckily it wasn't too bad. In my defense I've felt so fucking sick all day, my left eye is swollen and feels like it's been punched, I have a stomach ache and I kept blacking out when I had to go up the stairs to get shoes, urghhhh! Plus what Steven (my assistant manager) did was morally wrong. This guy came in and I was serving him then he turns round and says "I want to buy two pairs of shoes, give me the manager's discount." I felt confused and figured he must work for a different branch of the company so I asked if he was a manager to which he replied, "No. But I know how the system works." It turned out he worked for the county council and thought this entitled him to 30% off his purchase! What's worse STEVEN GAVE IT TO HIM! He was basically flirting with the guy saying "What do I get out of it except your lovely big smile" wtf?! I told him I didn't agree with what he'd done and he said the guy was a twat. IF YOU THINK HE'S A TWAT WHY GIVE HIM THE DISCOUNT?! I stormed upstairs to put shoes away and left him to it. I just hope I don't get into trouble because he did the transaction under my name. I'll explain to Nick tomorrow before he accuses me of giving away discounts. grr what a corrupt wanker. /Endboringworkstory.

As I said I've been feeling really sick today so when I got home I layed in bed either sleeping or on the phone to Simon. Mum kept shouting at me which didn't help, I just wanted to be left alone!

I doubt I'll get any sleep tonight so I'm going to start reading Russell Brand's book. eyyy!

Song for the 9th
GoodBooks - Good Life Salesman